A Primer on European Football for Curious Americans Who Generally Follow Sports, Written by Someone Who Has Been Following It For Less Than a Year

Clubs (teams) play in intra-country leagues. Games are played once a week, on the weekend. This is the bread and butter. Like American football’s Sunday, Saturday is the big day. A few marquee games are pushed to Sunday. They play in the evening, their time, and get broadcast here in the morning. The season stretches from late August to May, coinciding with the start of the American football season, and at the end, the NBA playoffs. In other words it runs the length of a school year. 

Winning the regular season is a big deal. As far as the league goes, it’s the only deal. No playoffs. You play every team twice (the 19 other teams, home and away), and a win results in three points, a draw (not tie, draw) results in one, and a loss gives you none. So, the most points means top of the table (standings) and the league trophy. Do not confuse points with goals.

In the middle of the week, you’ll see teams compete in different tournaments that run concurrent to the regular season. These tournaments provide teams alternate routes to collect trophies throughout the year. Most of these trophies are probably less prestigious than winning your club’s domestic league - save one - but for clubs out of regular season contention these are an opportunity to strike gold. So, for example:

Every country holds it’s own cup. A single-elimination tournament with random draws that lends itself to high drama - a fun B story line to have throughout the year. To reiterate, because these run concurrent with the regular season, you’ll have the round of 32 one week, the round of 16 a couple weeks later, and so on. The finals get held around the end of the regular season in May. Additionally, many top teams might decide to rest players for these matches, as the regular league takes precedent. Or, if your club is out of contention you might be pushing particularly hard for this cup run, so it adds to the unpredictability of the tournament. In England it’s called the FA Cup. In Spain, the Copa Del Rey.

On the other hand, there’s the Champions League. It has “league” in the name, but it is a tournament, structured much like the World Cup in that there are group stages and then knockout stages. It gets played every year. And again, this runs concurrent to the teams’ regular season, played on Tuesdays and Wednesdays, starting in September and ending in May. The difference with the other tournaments is that this is the most coveted trophy in Europe.

The Champions League is where the top teams from each country get to step out of their borders and play each other.  We get to figure out the best side (team) in Europe. This is particularly prestigious because the money prizes for advancing and winning are the highest. To qualify, you have to finish atop your country’s table in the previous year. It is weighted so that in the top leagues, like England, Spain, Germany and Italy, the top four teams are automatically qualified, while in countries that are not powerhouses - say, Greece - only the champion gets to enter.

The Champions League has a little brother called the Europa League. In England if you finish fifth you automatically qualify, and so on for other countries. Basically it’s the NIT to the Champions League NCAA, and provides inter-country club competition for those who don’t have the deep pockets of the top clubs in Europe.

As tournaments get to later stages, say, the round of 16, it is common for matches to be played over two legs — one home and away. The goals from the two games are added together, and, in the event of an aggregate tie, having scored more away goals are the tiebreaker.

Relegation. If you finish in the bottom three of your domestic league, you get sent to the minor leagues. The top three in the division below get promoted. This happens every year. In England, there are four divisions. The top is called the Premiership. We call it the English Premier League, or the Barclays Premier League (Barclays is the sponsor), but in England they simply call it the Premiership. Confusingly, the second division (triple-A) is called the Championship. The third and fourth are called League One and League two, respectively. Every country has it’s own version of it’s wording, like Spain’s La Liga and it’s Premiera Division or Italy’s Serie A.

Having a Champions League spot to fight for (“top four”) or a relegation spot to fight against adds color to following the league. If you’re not winning it all, you’ll still be contending a hard-fought match late in the season as there still will be something to fight for in the end.

Clubs’ names are often confusing, as sometimes their names don’t reflect a city or region. London has three big teams: Arsenal, Chelsea, and Tottenham. Manchester hosts two powerhouses in Manchester United and Manchester City. Liverpool is also a team you should know. Basically, those are the six biggest names that float and switch places at the top of the table.

Spain is basically a two team league, home to perhaps the two best teams in Europe and the most contentious rivalry in all of sports: Barcelona and Real Madrid. Germany, while having the most financially responsible and competitively balanced league in Europe, probably has one perennial powerhouse in Bayern Munich. Italy’s biggest clubs are the two from Milan: A.C. Milan and Internazionale (or Inter), and Juventus. The Netherlands have Ajax.

England’s Premier League is probably the best in the world if you base it on the following criteria: standard of play, competitive balance, worldwide recognition of its clubs, success in European competition, money spent on players, advertising dollars, and diversity of its players.

F.C. stands for Football Club (and C.F. for Club de Futbol).

The field is called the pitch. Games are played in stadiums that are outdoors, with roofs only covering the stands. They play through the rain. A team’s upcoming schedule is often called their fixtures. If you are a fan, you are a supporter. Managers, or bosses (either name really) also handle transfers (trades) so they’re almost general manager-ey. When referencing the score, home team comes first. Never say zero. Nil.

Non-Club Football: You have the World Cup (..2006, 2010, 2014..) and the Euros (..2008, 2012, 2016..). The Euros are very much similar to the World Cup in terms of structure and time it takes place (summer), except this time with only European countries. During club play, there will oftentimes be international breaks for countries to play qualifying rounds.

That’s it. You’re ready.

MORE:

Uniforms are called kits. Away colors almost always have no resemblance to home colors. Uniforms are sponsored, and you most likely have not heard of the company whose logo is splattered across a player’s chest. New kits come out every year that are a slight variation to the previous year’s design. They are all, with few exceptions, ugly.

willschneider:

The Goat Rodeo Sessions - Attaboy

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I’ve been working on an open-ended project called “Last Chords of Songs” but I don’t know where to take it. If I could create a soundboard maybe I’d do that. Or just an audio supercut where it’s one by one.